Grace under pressure = COURAGE

Here we are a week after Cooper's first birthday and SO MUCH has happened over the course of the last 12 months, that sometimes it's really hard to believe it's only been a year.  Adoption is the most amazing blessing, the best gift anyone will ever give is a birth mom blessing an adoptive family with her child, a child that she loves so much that she releases to someone else to raise.  Could I do it?  Probably not.  Birthmom's are heroes!  

This year as Mother's Day approached, I felt a heaviness on my heart for Cooper's Mama Maria.  I love her beyond words that could be expressed.  I hurt for her, knowing that she hurts, I cry for her, knowing she cries...yet I'm the one holding her son, the child she went through near death experiences carrying in her womb.  The child she loves so selflessly to release him to us to raise, trusting that we will follow through with our words of being an open adoption.  An "open adoption" is not a legal term, it is a moral agreement that an adoptive family says they will be a part of, there is no legal binding to an open adoption.  Going in to our adoption we knew that an open adoption was what IS in the best interest of Cooper, for his overall well being of self.  We wanted his birthmom to know that just because she was placing him in our care, did not mean that she was releasing him altogether and then he'd be gone.  One of the best phrases our Pastor, Toby, used recently in a sermon he said that "releases get sweeter when you release to God."  That has never rung more true over the course of the past year.  In that same sermon on Mother's Day Toby spoke to them mom's saying that our children aren't ours, they belong to God, and encouraged us to release them to the Lord because they are His.  To not mourn the milestones and be sad, to not live in the past, but when they are released to the Lord we are free to love them as they are and where they are.  During our time away from Cooper as he was in the NICU for those 4 weeks, I learned a lot about release.  I knew that Cooper belonged to the Lord and right then he was where he was supposed to be...not that is was easy, by any stretch of the imagination, and not that I didn't cry and grieve or be angry...but yet we stood fast in the promise that was made to us.  And over the course of the months since we became a family (June 25, 2014), I knew that he wasn't just mine/ours, he was the Lords and he was also Mama Maria's.  All of that felt well and good, until this past week.

For a few months now we have been planning our birthday celebration with Cooper's birth mom and his 1/2 siblings.  I had anxiously awaited being able to celebrate with her, hug her again, and tell her how much we love her and how much we love our son.  (She had not seen Cooper since he was about 4 weeks old & in NICU).   On Thursday my anxiety began to rise, Friday it was higher and on Saturday it led me to uncontrollable tears....I was excited, scared no terrified, happy, terrified, joyful, anxious....and so many more emotions that I don't know even how to list them all.   I had not felt like this ever before...the knot in my stomach...what if she thinks we are doing a bad job?  What if she doesn't think he's progressed like he should?  What if she's a crying mess and can't handle it?  What if I'm a crying mess and can't handle it?  What if the kids react in a negative way and are hateful to him?  What if the kids can't separate from him when it's time to go?  The list of questions flowing in my head kept going....  Prayers began, by me and a multitude of others, a crying call to my best friend Brenna, a little bit of Valor and Joy Essential Oils....and we pulled up to his Aunt's house, ran through the rain and into the house and IT ALL WENT AWAY!!!  EVERY LAST BIT OF ANXIETY AND FEAR!  

This was my heart!  This was my child's birth mom.  This IS my child's birth mom. This IS my child's half siblings, a sister who is 8 and a brother who is 5.  This IS my child's biological grandma and step-grandpa.  This IS my child's biological Aunt, Uncle and cousins that he sees on a regular basis.  And you know what's the best part...we all want what's best for him.  We all want him to thrive.  We all love him unconditionally.  And this is what our day was like...PURE LOVE!

The LOVE that she has for him in undeniable.  I know yesterday was not easy for her.  I can't imagine the feelings she had leading up to our day together.  If I was a mess, I can only imagine what she was going through, what she has gone through and what she will continue to go through.  The day was perfect.  The connection she has with Cooper is priceless.  The time that was spent with his siblings was irreplaceable.  

We don't just have two extended families..mine and Bryan's...we have three...mine, Bryan's and Cooper's.  Cooper has 3 sets of Grandparents, 3 sets of Aunts and Uncles, 3 sets of cousins, a birth mom, and a mom and dad that love him unconditionally.  We are blessed!

Cooper, his brother Santi, & cousin Jack - those 3 could be brothers!

 Santi and Cooper - ready to eat cake

 Still not a fan of cake, but sure did like making a "painting" mess with the frosting and then feeding the cake to his cousin dog, Bailey

Our first time "officially" in a pool

 Papa and Nene with all of their grandkids

 Mama Maria and her kiddos - Santi, Cooper & Shilo (don't mind Cooper's grumpy face...he was TIRED)

 Sisters and their kids - because of my last year in the classroom, teaching Johnny in 3rd grade...we have our Cooper - blessings come in the least expected ways

Adoption isn't easy...but with a lot of Faith, a dash of hope, a whole LOT of Grace, an even bigger amount of prayers, and a LOT of LOVE....we have an incredible family...and more courage than we could have even imagined would EVER be possible!

If you are ever looking for some encouragement...check out our church's messages online at www.crosstimberschurch.org - you won't regret it!  

2014 National Adoption Month Instagram Posts

November is National Adoption month! How has adoption impacted me? 18 years ago I was told I'd probably never have my own children...a tough pill to swallow at 18, that "came true" January 2008 and if it weren't for adoption I wouldn't have this little guy to love! The road was full of bumps, bruises, tears and healing...and I'd do it all over again! Thanks@mixed__beautifully for this challenge! #cooperkenneth #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #thereisanothertagbuticantrememberit #knittogethersomethingorother

Day two of #knittogetherbyadoption -step one - our step one initially was walking towards foster care, feeling that was where The Lord was leading us. We attended our first meeting a year ago this month but it took us until January to pick the agency we would use...we picked our agency, registered for our classes...and then it all changed! #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #cooperkenneth #blessedbyadoption #openadoption

Day 3 - Education - #knittogetherbyadoption - there is no better education than learning your child's needs and cues, no class can prepare you for how your child will develop. Learn together! Grow together! Use your community resources to aid in your learning. Lean on your support system. Be open to change. Know things don't go the way you want but the way our Heavenly Father plans them. Pray a lot! Love your added blessing! #cooperkenneth #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #openadoption

Day 4 - family photo - #knittogetherbyadoption - no tribe just the 3 of us and the dog. I would love more, some day if the door opens again (my dream is an orphan Ugandan), but for now we are beyond thankful for our baby Cooper, our super trooper! #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #cooperkenneth #blessedbyadoption

Day 5 - anticipation - #knittogetherbyadoption - I LOVE Christmas, our little 1200sq ft house explodes at Christmas.....last Christmas we said...this 'could' be our last Christmas just the two of us...we had no idea about the call we would get in February...meeting birth mom for the sono...finding out baby was a boy...hearing his heartbeat...seeing him on the screen...having a peace knowing that baby would be ours....unsure of what our open adoption would look like...a little scared but more excited! As the weeks pressed on my anticipation turned into concern for our birth mom's complications, I knew our little guy would be okay, but would his tummy mummy be ok? Planning his perfect room, sorting through names, reassuring friends and family that it was okay for us to get ready for him...he would be ours...our original due date of July 17 was bumped to June, then May 22 to keep mom and baby safe...waiting in the waiting room to hear that they were both ok....all those feelings were happy anticipation, not filled with worry...Bryan worried, I didn't...I had a peace that could only come from above, my faith had grown so much over the past year....he arrived and then my fear hit and Bryan's peace set in....little did we know the road of sheer joy and then devastation we would encounter in the coming weeks! #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #blessedbyadoption #openadoption #cooperkenneth #nationaladoptionmonth

Day 6 - Prayer- #knittogetherbyadoption - this precious picture was taken at Cooper' dedication...my two nephews were tucked down in Cooper's car seat while we got dinner ready, I snuck around to get a picture and realized Knox was praying with Nolan and Cooper. *tears* that's just a small snippet of how prayer has played a roll in our miracle baby - but the most memorable prayers took place without any of us present - 4 Godly ladies that I used to teach with would gather and pray every day after school from the time Cooper was born - The Lord clearly speaking to each of them the afternoon we lost our custody of Cooper, mid prayer The Lord changed their prayer from comforting us to guiding us as we don't just let go, that he Lord promised Cooper to us and He be ours, all in God's timing. We were home from NICU for 3 weeks before they came to pray over us and share this with us. One week later, a new attorney & birth mom's help that prayer was answered and we had our little guy back!! - there was a lot of emotion as we gained our access back to NICU - another prayer answered was that his angel nurse, Jenn, who was with him and us the night he was born had stayed with him the 4 weeks we were gone, loving him a little extra, telling him about us...even though she had no idea if or when we'd be back! Our sweet Jenn was with us our last night and many many tears were shed as her shift ended but that didn't end the friendship and the connection we have with her! The night after we left was her last shift and she moved north! *tears* Cooper's onesie at dedication says "I am an answer to prayers" some day he will understand the magnitude of that outfit for his dedication! #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #blessedbyadoption #cooperkenneth #coopersdedication #cousinsarethebest #answertoprayer

Day 7 - documentation - #knittogetherbyadoption - todays's topic is fitting since I'm at a craft retreat working on scrapbooks...I've been a life journaler (aka scrapbook FANATIC) for 14 years....and even more so for our sweet boy! I journal often and chronicle everything in his scrapbooks...yes, books plural! Cooper knowing his story when the time is right is so important! I began "adoption" journaling through my blog...writing is healing, writing is therapy, I can't wait to see how the ret of our story goes! #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #blessedbyadoption #cooperkenneth #scrapbookaddict #stampinup #stampinupdemonstrator

Day 8 - speaking out - #knittogetherbyadoption - my life, my struggles, my journey have been an open book..how else can we show others the miracles of our savior? I've learned so much about myself when I openly share. My story has helped others. Sharing my view point, my struggle with deciding to go ahead with my hysterectomy before my Prince Charming arrived wasn't the most popular idea among many of my friends and family but they didn't live in the constant pain I had lived in for 13 years....and now with adoption, my heart with hating with others is even greater! And now with this adoption community I'm so blessed to read about others journey through open adoption and how strongly we feel (despite what others around us think) about Cooper being a huge part of his biological family's life...we wouldn't have him if it weren't for them. Am I fearful about it? No! Do I worry about hurting him? No, because I know that we won't put him in situations where the hurt will be intentional. Will he always understand how loved he was? Yes! He will know how we fought for him, along side his biological family because they wanted him to be with us. Will it e easy, nope...nothing in my life has been "easy"....my best friend was praying for us at the beginning of this process and she told me her selfish prayer was for our process to be "easy".... It wasn't easy, but it was exactly what God wanted it to be. A test of our faith and His demonstration of faithfulness to us, His children! #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #blessedbyadoption #cooperkenneth #openadoption

Day 9 - Happy World Adoption Day - #knittogetherbyadoption - there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for this little man! He is the biggest blessing! The most loved little guy! His Godstory has already affected many, he will continue to do so! Amazing Grace! #cooperkenneth #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #blessedbyadoption #worldadoptionday

Day 10 - birth - #knittogetherbyadoption - this is a sweet picture of Cooper's birth mama with him in NICU a day after he was born. She shared her time with him with us those first few days. The joy and pain in brought to all of us was life changing, but we wouldn't trade it for anything. The love his has for him is extraordinarily special. We were lucky to have been there along side her. It may not have gone as we had hoped at the 48 hour mark, but how does one expect it to be easy for a birth mom to "walk away?" We shouldn't expect it to. As I was hurt that it didn't go as we hoped, she was hurting more....from the very beginning we said we wanted what was best for her, because her long term well being is just as important as Cooper's well being. She named him a name that was special and we will always honor that, he will know that the love she has for him is huge, the sacrifice she made is the biggest and hardest gift anyone will ever give us! We ❤️our tummy mummy very much! #blessedbyadoption #cooperkenneth #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks

Day 11 - remember - #knittogetherbyadoption - I have thought and thought about this one.....we need to remember who to give the glory to for this bundle....we remember life before we had him and it just doesn't begin to compare....I want to remember every change, all his growth, so some day I can share it with his tummy mummy. I email her every few weeks pictures, knowing she may or may not look at it now, but she will when she's ready. I scrapbook (digitally thankfully) every thing I can, I write down the mile stones and our feelings....he may not remember but he will know how loved he is! #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #cooperkenneth #openadoption #blessedbyadoption

Day 12 & 13 - #knittogetherbyadoption - describe it & caseworker lumped in to one - when we knew the little guy was to be ours we thought the process would be easy...found a "great" attorney, learned how different an independent adoption is without an agency....what we didn't expect was for our first attorney to tuck his tail when things got complicated. Even the social worker wasn't standing her ground To help us. We were lied to by our attorney and taken advantage of...and all we could do was pray that the right people were taking care if him in NICU and that he would not be released until the mess was sorted out. The longest, toughest month of our life....after being told to "just wait it out, wait for _____ or _______" to happen and then we will take action. Screw that! Do your job and fight for us...you won't...okay fine, you are fired and we will find someone who will help us. A long road to the RIGHT attorney and the right social worker...but they gave us the info we needed, the info birth mom and her sis needed to take action to help us get our little guy back...a week later we had seen a judge, moms rights terminated and we were guardians...still waiting on paternity registry, attorney ready to go to battle against "paternity" but The Lord of course had his hand in it all....no battle necessary, our battle had been fought and won! Praise The Lord! Cooper will always know how we fought with his tummy mummy to get him back! The love we have for her is so immense! The strength we now have was worth the struggle, and he is worth it! #openadoption #cooperkenneth #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks

Day 14- choosing your battles - #knittogetherbyadoption - whatever the battle may be...you do what's in the best interest of the child! Hence why we didn't give up fighting for what was best for this smiley little guy! Battles aren't easy but the children are worth every second! #cooperkenneth #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #blessedbyadoption #openadoption

Day 15 - #knittogetherbyadoption - education - having been a teacher for ten years, many kiddos asked me why I was never pregnant, why I didn't have a baby....as time went by it got easier to say that years ago my insides were "sick" and I can't have a baby but that we would adopt a baby one day....being open in that way to my students is the reason we have Cooper! I taught Cooper's biological cousin in 3rd grade, I went from Mrs. Cozens to Aunt Jess! --- being open with my students was always important to me, of course I never went in to detail, but my hysterectomy was ever a secret, never taboo, the parents of my students asked...if they asked about my career goals it was an open conversation that we would adopt and it was important to us for me to be home, but that I would work from home. -- when it came to explaining to our nieces when we learned about Cooper we used the book "The Tummy Mummy" a great folk tale type story, showing the love on both sides. As our nephews grow up along side Cooper talk of adoption will always be open! -- when Cooper is of school age, I'm not sure what that will look like, preferably not a traditional school, but only The Lord knows that answer, whatever it may be, the dialogue will be open and there will be lots of love spoken in regards to adoption and his birth family. Plus we are lucky to be close to his bio aunt/uncle/cousins! #blessedbyadoption #openadoption #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #cooperkenneth

Day 16 - #knittogetherbyadoption - quote - as we started the adoption process this scripture was in a study I was doing by @priscillashirer and it spoke to me over and over again. Now I'm waiting on my tattoo artist to create it for my tattoo to represent this journey in our lives. #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #blessedbyadoption #cooperkenneth

World Premature Day and Day 17 - if you really knew me - #knittogetherbyadoption - here was our little guy the day he graduated from NICU! His first 5 weeks there was his angels keeping him there until we could officially be his mom and dad! - if you really knew me....that's hard because I'm an open book....I didn't know that our time (the first 5 days and his last 7 days of his 6 week stay) in NICU would be a breeze. The beeping, cords, blood work, doctors, nurses did not phase me.... If you really knew me you would know how hard it was for me to let go and not worry! #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #cooperkenneth #nicugraduate #worldprematureday #blessedbyadoption

I didn't know it was Preemie Day until a little bit ago! I wore purple today without planning it! Hard to believe this sleeping babe was born at 32 weeks and will be 6 months on Saturday! #sweetbaby #cooperkenneth #nicubaby #nicugraduate #slowdown #blessedbyadoption

It's finally here!!!! Day 19 - rights - day 20 - men - #knittogetherbyadoption - first of all serious happy tears over the arrival of Coop's birth certificate. Adoption rights...for many many years I prepared myself for the process of adoption...it's hard to think that as long as your uterus works you can have a baby....but if your uterus doesn't work you get to have your life invaded to see if you are "fit" to be a parent & raise a child. Now I get that it's a woman's right to have a child, and I get that what adoptive families go through is keeping kids safe, but still! What if every OB/GYN and pregnancy center made every expectant family go through what we go through? Would our foster care programs change because CPS would be involved sooner? You may say that invades the rights of the pregnant woman... But what would it really do to protect the kids?? The topic of men then falls into place...we "lost" Cooper for 4 weeks due to a "bio-dad" wanting to claim he wanted Cooper, when in all reality he just wanted to use him as his pawn....but the hospital took our rights away because this man came forward claiming to be dad....in those 4 weeks the hospital had reported him ("dad") to CPS....but yet Cooper was scheduled to leave the hospital with this "dad"...who never changed his diaper, fed him, never spent more than 10 minutes at a time with him and didn't hold him... Then when he was removed from the hospital for family violence and his name was legally removed from the claim of paternity (a birth mom's right to do) he called the nurse and said he was leaving! And you "wanted" your child? He did nothing to earn the right to be a dad! Being a dad is so much more than donating your sperm! We thank God every day for his birth mom and her fight to do what was in the best interest of her and her child! #openadoption #cooperkenneth #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #blessedbyadoption

Day 20 - unique - #knittogetherbyadoption - today is unique in our family as it's Cooper's Mama Maria's birthday! Right now our only communication is via email....as she heals her heart. I wish I could call her, send her flowers and spoil her for the gift she gave us is far more than I can ever begin to repay! We pray that she is reading our emails and feels how much we love her! All of this is what makes adoption unique...our situation is different than my dear friend Shelby's adoption @theshelbsmg, our adoption is unique compared to what we thought it would be! Each of our adoptions are special and hold/will hold it's own challenges, but that's what makes adoption so beautiful!!! #cooperkenneth #openadoption #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #weloveourtummymummysomuch #blessedbyadoption

Day 21 -screen time & day 22- DNA- #knittogetherbyadoption This little nugget of entertainment is 6 months old today! If only we knew what what adventure was to come and still yet to come! - in regards to screen time I guess I would say my favorite is The Blind Side...a true testament that to be family you don't have to match, you don't have to share blood, and you don't have to come to be a part of the family as a baby. DNA is just a part of us, it does not define us and is not our single make up of who we are! Our definition is formed in Christ, this little fella of personality has an incredible God-story and we can't wait to see what He has in store for our sweet Super Cooper Trooper! #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #blessedbyadoption #openadoption #cooperkenneth #somuchattitudeandheisonly6months

Day 23 - then & now - #knittogetherbyadoption - Cooper was 5 weeks old when we finally had our court order of legal guardianship, we were 1 week away from getting out of NICU. And now 6 months old! Hard to believe how fast time has flown! #slowdown #sleepyboy #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #blessedbyadoption #cooperkenneth #lovehisCHEEKS

Day 24 - adoption outfit(s) of the day- #knittogetherbyadoption - Cooper needed special outfits for Adoption Day and Baby Dedication so I had these made for those occasions! Do you see the typo? It sat on the back of our couch for days while we admired it and NEVER noticed, a friend ended up pointing it out. Typo or no typo we LOVE them! The one outfit I regret not getting a specific picture of was the "mommy" onesie his nurse Jen put him in the day we gained our access back in to NICU. 😞 oh well, we have the memory! #nicugraduate #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #cooperkenneth #adoptionoutfits

Day 25 - strange things people say & day 26 - finalization day - #knittogetherbyadoption - for me the strange things people say has been minimal...mostly it's in regards to our open adoption...something we wanted from the get go....we NEEDED to know they would be around, we let go of that worry a long time ago, to do what would be best for Cooper.....but some say....aren't you afraid his bio family will come take him from you? Or "you leave him at their house and leave?" Well, yes, yes we do! They fought along side us for us to be together! So no, I'm not worried they will take him...they can't, he's ours! And yes, they babysit, he's their family too! They are our family too! --- our finalization day was just 2 months ago and was so special...and yes, his bio- aunt was there, standing by us as it became official. We were blessed to be surrounded by those that love us in the courtroom! #openadoption #adoptionrocks #adoptionlove #cooperkenneth

Day 27 - validation - #knittogetherbyadoption - Happy Thanksgiving - this dear dear friend@britbritster was the first friend phone call I made after we got the call about Cooper! I needed someone to cry with me...and someone to pray...and someone to tell me it was okay to be hopeful that this was to be our baby!! My Pretty Brity has had an incredible impact on my faith walk, so today, she is my validation for a huge part of our walk! Being able to spend time together at the Turkey Trot 5K was super special! #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #cooperkenneth #firstturkeytrot #blessedbyadoption #loveher

Day 28 - World Wide Web - #knittogetherbyadoption - in 2012 my dear friend Jenn @robifer10 told me I needed to check out Lisa's @lisadodson79 blog about adoption. I knew who Lisa was from my two years of high school in Beaumont but didn't really know her...so I felt a little creepy reading her entire blog. I spent many nights crying as I read all the way back to the start..... I was reading the thoughts and feelings that I felt and could not vocalize easily. After I finished I sent her a message...after awhile we connected....they moved to the Dallas area and now we have this incredible friendship! Chase and Lisa shared with us their walk and emotions, which was great to hear! We are super blessed to have them in our lives!!! #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #foreverfriends #blessedbyadoption

Day 29 - closure - #knittogetherbyadoption - I've read so many other's posts, connected with so many other open adoption families, it warms my heart to read about their journeys....with open adoption there isn't necessarily closure. There was closure to hurt feelings and what we thought was betrayal, but that was pure forgiveness...forget and move on. If that's closure...then so be it. We had closure to our long wait to become parents. We were lucky to avoid dealing with an agency. We had closure as we fired our first attorney, who happily took our money for not doing his job....and we very gladly moved on to our amazing attorney to helped us get closure to our separation from Cooper in NICU. I do look forward to a little bit of "closure" on only getting 3-4 hours if sleep at a time at night. And "closure" to not taking naps during the day would've fabulous! 😋 #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #blessedbyadoption #openadoption #cooperkenneth #6monthpictures

Day 30- next step - #knittogetherbyadoption - our next steps....raise a Godly son who is kind to others and loves The Lord and feels loved by all of his family! Beyond that, only the man upstairs has the insight into that! I used to say a sticky note beside my bed would be great, but nah! I'm good with Him revealing himself when He feels fitting! #adoptionlove #adoptionrocks #blessedbyadoption #theendofnationaladoptionmonth #nationaladoptionmonth #cooperkenneth

T minus 4 days....

Well, last night Bryan and I spent our last night in our house together, before we come home as a family of 3***...YIKES!  As I sit on our porch, it's gorgeous outside, and reflect on life in general these past few years it's quite amazing how this story has played out.  This past Wednesday, May 14th, 7 years ago was the anniversary of the break in...thinking back to that time in my life, the healing and recovery, the emotional state I was in for many May's, and the forgiveness that has taken place in my life over the course of the past 7 years...and looking forward to what is to come this week and the journey we are about to embark on, I'm blown away, as I couldn't have written a better story.

Right now, birth mom and Cooper are doing well.  She's hanging in there, the concerns and risks are still high...but she's been able to keep him baking, and we're just a few days away from the 32 week mark.  Wednesday they will admit her to begin monitoring her, as they take her off of her blood thinners, that's when we need the MOST prayers!  Please pray for her body to react in an okay way, so that Cooper can remain in until they deem appropriate Thursday morning.  There is NOT a scheduled C-section time, as they have to wait to see how her body does on Wednesday.  We are asking for prayers, specific prayers, that the doctors remain calm, make decisions with BOTH of their best interests at heart, and that the surgery is smooth and both come out of it without any trouble or complications. 

We will post when he is born, however, I do not know that we will post any pictures until the 48 hour mark, when she relinquishes her rights.  Throughout all of this, we are keeping her at the highest priority, what she wants and what is best for her as she makes this ultimate sacrifice.  I know how I feel and how Bryan feels about this unborn child, whom she is blessing us with, the struggles this pregnancy has caused her body....and I wish there was a way that we could repay what she is doing for us, but what it all comes down to, is that Cooper will KNOW without a shadow of a doubt the unconditional love that she had for him, that in no way is he unwanted, but dually loved! 

Everyone keeps telling me to sleep, but I think the only way I'm going to sleep from now until he arrives is with the help of Tylenol PM.  :)  The room is ready, my packing list is made, arrangements for all of my tutoring, the house, and so much more has been taken care of...so tomorrow I get to enjoy some friend time, run a few errands and begin to pack!  Tuesday we get to tour the NICU with the social worker, so we have an idea of how that works, and Wednesday our parents arrive!

Please keep us all in your prayers, and the next time you hear from me, Cooper will be here! 

***So, Bryan is working on a job in Kyle, TX right now...so that makes Cooper's arrival even easier on his work/vacation time.  He'll be able to work and be at the hospital at night for almost 3 weeks, and only have to come home for 1-2 nights in between now and June 5th or so!  YAY!  And while I get to come home for my shower in a few weeks, he'll stay at the hospital with Cooper and the same for the day of my best friend's bridal shower.

Growth

In my Bible study we've been studying Gideon, Gideon had an army of 300 to fight the Midianites who numbered over 100,000 people...Gideon God won that battle, with the use of Gideon and his men.  The relevancy of that story to our story right now is right on target, when have to rely on the grace of God to protect baby and birth mom.  Up to this point, there have been several sticky situations with mom's health...here is a brief update, so that you can pray specifically.

We are 27 weeks and 3.2lbs, in the 90th percentile.  :)  Birth mom has Placentia Previa, and it has dropped completely to her cervix, along with being attached to her C-section scar.  HOWEVER, she has not thinned out or dilated, so for hemorrhaging purposes, that is good.  She is on full bed-rest for the next week, and as long as she doesn't bleed again in the next week, she can return to her desk job for 3 hours a day...staying on partial bed rest.  The high risk OB is on top of things and very aware of the situation and keeping BOTH baby and birth mom's safety at his highest priority.  He knows that she will bleed again, as long as they can stop the bleeding and the placenta doesn't tear, we are fine.  If she has a 3rd bleed, then she will be hospitalized for bed rest until baby arrives.   Today she was given the first of 2 steroid shots to help boost baby's development (from my understanding particularly the lungs), tomorrow she will get shot number 2, and as long as he stays baking until Friday at 11am (not that we are expecting him to arrive before then or even then), the shots will be in his system and he'll have the added "stuff" he needs to finish developing....whether still in birth mom or in NICU.

At this point, we have a scheduled C-section at 34 weeks, June 5th.  It's nice to know that he won't arrive any later than that date for the safety of both birth mom and baby.   She will be admitted June 4th to be prepped and weaned off of blood thinners (due to blood clots in her leg)...at that point, baby could make his appearance.  My gut feeling, he will be here in May. 

I've been kind of an emotional mess today, we are so ready for him to get here, but we want both of them to stay safe. So here are our specific prayer requests...we are firm believers in the power of prayers, so please feel free to pass along to your other prayer warriors.

Please pray for...
- Birth Mom: healing of her blood clots, protection of the cervix, rest and sleep, peace/comfort/support as she learns her new normal after baby, her job to continue to be supportive of her and her pregnancy,
- Baby: he learns to sleep during the night so birth mom can get some rest at night, continued strong weight gain, continued growth & development of his organs and body, to continue to not feel any distress with birth mom's complications, to fully know how loved he is by birth mom, and his biological and adoptive family
- Doctors: Continued diligence in treating her complications seriously, watchful eyes, supporting her and her decision to place baby for adoption, respect her as a person and not just a patient, doing what's best for BOTH of them
- Birth mom's family: peace about her health, peace about her decision, support for themselves and her, wise words to help all involved to heal/grieve
- Us - remain calm, to continue to be reminded that this has totally been the Lord working, nothing we did and nothing we can do, HE has this...we know that...just continued reminding that HE still has this

We are so overjoyed with this whole process, knowing the details of her health, understanding the risks, the joys of a friend hearing his heart beat, feeling him kick/turn somersaults...we know our journey is unique and very rare and for this we are truly thankful...but of course it wouldn't be a "Jessica" situation if there weren't a few extra hiccups.  :) 

Oh...we think we have a name....maybe after our vacation next week, we'll be ready to make the "official" announcement.  Stay tuned and keep those prayers coming!

We love you all!

Baby Blessing

Where have the past 4 weeks gone???  We've been finishing up our remodel project....our living room and kitchen look completely different now!  Bryan's worked so hard redoing the counter tops, backsplash, building new book cases and drawers...maximizing our space to add another human being to our sweet little house!

We are now at 23 weeks, and it's starting to feel more and more real!  Birthmother is doing well, baby boy is 1.3 pounds as of Thursday's appointment.  He is growing and still hanging out behind her belly button.

This past weekend we had a "Baby Blessing" party....I've seen people do this when they build a house, so I thought why not do it before we paint the baby's room....we invited our family and a few friends over to cover baby's room with prayers, scripture and messages.  It was absolutely BEAUTIFUL!  37 loved ones came by to share in this joy!  So very exciting!  I have only begun to read a few of the messages, as I cry my eyes out reading them.  I wanted to share a few with you.

Nolan leaves his cousin a note

Opa sharing his heart with baby Cozens

Sweet friends Krista & Abby Bo Babby leave blessings for baby!

We loved that the kids that we love came and left their own special messages! 

Baby is already so loved by his family!  And he will have an "adopted" Grandma, just like I did! 

We are overwhelmed by the support of our friends and family...and even more by baby's birthmother's love for our little guy!  She is so relieved to know that he is coming to us, we truly are blown away at the process of all of this.  Over the years I always had a "selfish" prayer that the Lord would make this process easy...Brenna shared with me that her initial prayer, months ago, was the same "selfish" prayer I prayed....Hard to believe our dreams are just weeks away from coming true!

 

 

Prayer Requests: 1. Baby continues to grown INSIDE his birthmother, there are a few complications and we need the two of them to stay SAFE!  Please pray that the doctors continue to monitor her as they are, that the placenta does not get any more complicated than it already is, that she does NOT dialate and that baby bakes until the first part of June, 34-35 weeks.

2. That we retain the right attorney and that we can get our home study done quickly, just in case baby decides to make his appearance early, we need to be ready to make decisions

 

Thank you for following along with us on this journey!  We truly are blessed!

 

ps...Isn't my shirt cute?  My friend Joy with Beauty and the Bling made it for me...thanks to a Pinterest idea

BIG NEWS

Well...you know that one call that changes EVERYTHING?  Tuesday, February 4th, I got that call!  Three weeks before we begin our foster care training through Covenant Kids, I get a call from a friend telling me how she has a friend who is pregnant and is wanting to place the child up for adoption...and she'd like to know if we would be interested!  Ahhhh, yes, that'd be our answer!  That night she left a note on our front door telling us the birth-mother has picked us as her child's parents and inviting us to be at the gender reveal sonogram!  There is no way...are we dreaming...pinch us, is this for real???  We cried many tears, jumped up and down, and didn't get much sleep for a few nights out of sheer excitement!   For years I've grieved over not being a part of the pregnancy, sonograms, hearing the heart beat, and the fun in planning a baby...not just getting a phone call when the baby is already born.  And here we are...being told that is the road we are about to walk down.  ENTER fear, doubt, and so many scary thoughts!  We prayed a lot, our family prayed a lot, our friends prayed a lot!  She can change her mind up until 6 months after the baby is born...so we understand the reality!  Nothing is official until 48 hours after birth!  But she has picked us!  We are choosing to enjoy this, not live in fear, to truly believe that this was ordained by our Heavenly Father, and that we are going to be parents in JULY! 

This past Thursday, February 13th we traveled to Austin to meet with birth-mother, only to have the confirmation that this is our baby, being carried by a loving young woman who is entrusting her child into our care when HE is born in July.  We enjoyed our visit with her, LOVED every second of seeing our child on the sonogram screen, hearing his heartbeat, and shedding tears over seeing our baby!  We drove home, still in shock, disbelief, and calling our friends and family to share the exciting news.  Mom and Dad found out they were getting another grandson, with a cute baseball onsie! 

How is this now our reality?  What makes us deserve to be able to adopt a child, without an agency?  We are beyond greatful, we are so excited to be parents!  We are so in love with this child and this birth-mother and the gift she is giving us!  Adoption truly is a gift!

This weekend we were able to celebrate with Bryan's family in Oklahoma City, telling Hannah and Kacie about their baby cousin was priceless.  I found this book, The Tummy Mummy, and was able to read it to the girls...without boohooing too much, and then show them the picture of the sonogram.  They were in shock, so excited!  

As we prepare we ask that you pray for birth-mother and baby's health/safety, for her peace of mind and  comfort. Pray for a hospital room for us in July when baby arrives.

Thank you for all of your love and support as we continue to walk this road in preparation for becoming parents.