My faith journey began from the time I was born, my parents raised my brother and I in a loving Christian home, a home where there was peace, comfort, love, grace, and everything in between. I watched my parents lead in our church, be involved in Bible Study Fellowship, lead studies in their homes for couples in our church and in our neighborhood, I too was involved in our church; from helping in the nursery, to the library my mom got started at the church, VBS, you name it and I helped with it. Was baptized as a baby and made my public statement of faith in confirmation, as an 8th grader. But there was something I just couldn't grasp...I was afraid to really disobey, I was afraid my salvation wasn't set in stone, I was afraid my sinning would "undo" my salvation...I knew Jesus was my savior and I knew what HE did to save me, but I still worried...I remember laying in bed at night worrying, I remember saying in my quiet nighttime prayers that He was my savior, over and over again, why? I have no idea. Through the college years and beyond my faith was always there, but there was no relationship, that seemed too hard and way too time consuming. By that point I knew that my belief in my savior was enough, anything more just seemed like too much, I was too busy with college, work, partying, work, friends, dating, graduate work, work, friends, etc. I had Christian friends, but something was missing.
Bryan and I got married in 2010, we knew we wanted to be involved in the church but we just weren't "all in" with the idea of waking up early on Sundays and making it happen. But then marriage got really hard, things weren't "happily ever after" and we didn't know what to do...we found ourselves at Crosstimbers in Argyle, we knew we needed to make a change, so in January of 2011 we took the "membership class" and decided to jump in with all 4 feet, my 2 feet were a little ahead of Bryan's but he was willing.
In 2012, my best friend, Brenna and I were teaching together, and we gained a new team mate, Krista. Krista, joined Brenna and I on a Pinterest craft day to make anchor posters for our classroom. At the time, we had only met her once, I wasn't so sure what I thought, she seemed nice enough, but there was something different about her...she was involved in her church, a part of the women's ministry, raising two precious kids, and she was just different...a different I really hadn't experienced at that point in my life...she just exuded the Holy Spirit, that first day when we spent time together poster making in my garage, she told me that she just knew she was supposed to be on our team, and she just knew that she would walk beside us and welcome a baby into our little family, she just knew that she would get to throw me the best baby shower ever. I thought, man this chick is crazy, but whatever, I knew we were going to start the adoption process but marriage had gotten hard again...I just didn't know how it would ever be in our favor. Over the course of that year, a very unpleasant and hard year in the classroom, a harder year in marriage, but the sweetest year when it came to friends. Krista and I shared our dream of schooling for our children, her current children and my prayed for child...it wasn't public school, and neither of us knew what or how, but we knew we weren't meant to be in the public school arena, but this was a season.
Over the course of the next two years Krista spoke so much peace into my life, small truths that probably didn't mean much at the time, but over the coming years would mean the world. I began to be able to pray in a way that I hadn't prayed before. I watched her through her faith peaks and valleys that year.
Krista continued to be a large influence in my faith walk, as she prayed along side me/us as we began the adoption process, along side us as we prayed for Cooper and his safe arrival, and she prayed when we couldn't during our separation from Cooper...but what really got me, was the way the Lord clearly showed her and her daughter Abby that Cooper would be ours, and how He showed other ladies that were praying along side her for us in the months before and after his arrival. They showed up on our doorstep one Friday during our separation, and during that prayer, I experienced something I hadn't ever experienced before, a peace that was unexplainable. Up until that point in my faith and the faith we shred as a couple, I/we really hadn't ever seen that, my faith had already been shifting, but a shift began for Bryan as well.
I had seen my parents make faith decisions, some that were hard, and I guess I never really thought twice about those, as they were my parents. But at that point, I began to get it, she began something in my faith walk, but then she moved. The devastating news of their leaving and moving to Arkansas ripped my heart out, we were in different phases of our lives, but she and I were bound in our faith in a way that I hadn't been bound before, and it broke my heart to know she wouldn't be 15 minutes away anymore, instead she was 5 hours away. I hadn't cried that many tears over a friend in years, I felt like the teenager who moved from Beaumont to Dallas, leaving my friends behind, it was a hurt that I hadn't felt in a long time...and a hurt that someone else caused, because in the past I had always been the "leaver."
Her moving stirred my desire to be plugged into the mommy world even more, as up until that point I didn't have any friends that were raising a toddler in close proximity. I was an "older" mom, my friends' kids were in elementary school, and I didn't want to do this crazy toddler time without other moms. I began seeking out friends that would walk this path beside me, and do these crazy years together. So, I jumped into leadership at our church in the women's ministry. The Lord answered my prayer in many ways, he brought many amazing ladies into my life that began to walk beside me/us as we did this thing called "mommihood." The same month Krista and her family moved, I met a new friend, by happenstance because Bryan went to service their AC. He didn't know who they were, but when he came home and showed me the check that they paid him with, I said, " you realize that's the new teaching pastor at church?" We got a good laugh out of it, and then began this walk alongside Laura and Nick Person and their tribe...we began to rely on their parenting tactics, as they had two in school and then Cooper's BFF, Nash. Our weekly play dates grew a bond between two little boys that I had only dreamed would happen, I didn't want it to be a forced friendship for the little boys because the mamas were friends, and it wasn't, it was this connection that they had that was undeniable. And then our families lives began to intertwine, and the impact they began to have on our lives became irreversible. Healing began in my life, from our marriage, to hurts of our heart, other relationships, and so much more. The connection that we have with them, and the way we walked our faith beside them, lifting each other up when needed and celebrating together, crying together and getting through tough stuff together, was different than we had ever experienced before. I knew my faith was shifting even more, and Bryan's was too. These were level 10 friends! (A level 10 friend is one who knows the ugly and dirty side of you, but loves you regardless.)
The faith they walked, and shared with us, was undeniably ordained by our Heavenly Father. Bryan will be the first to say, he wasn't looking for new friends, I was...but I wasn't looking for what I got...I was challenged in ways I didn't think I'd be challenged since Krista left, I began jumping in to more ministries at church...we left the comfort of the Argyle campus and decided to walk alongside our friends as a new campus was being launched in Lake Cities, because we just felt like that was where God was placing us...it was hard to leave what we had known for so many years, the faces we saw weekly, the level of kids programming that was available. Bryan was even more reluctant, but found himself being called to be apart of early morning crew to haul trailers as we are a take down/set up church, meeting in a school gym.
Our faith lives have changed so drastically over the course of the past 5 years, and even more so the past 2 years. As I began to find myself still having fun, but staying steeped in the word, I wonder what I missed out on all those years that my faith was on the back burner, too afraid I'd miss out on "fun" and not concerned enough about what was best for my heart...I don't regret my decisions, because I know they made me into who I am now and brought me to where I am now, but I do know that if I could do it again, I'd do things a little differently. Maybe there would have been less pain, but maybe there wouldn't have. What I do know is that yes things are hard, and marriage will always be work, but I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that my Savior loves me and when the day comes for me to meet Jesus face to face, my salvation is set, there is no worrying or doubting that fact any longer.
And then there was the phone call, one Saturday afternoon from Laura...the dreaded news that I knew would happen one day, I just didn't expect it to be that day...they felt the Lord calling them to be closer to their families in Atlanta, and they were more than just entertaining a move. Insert pure devastation, how could the Lord bring them to us, bring us to this place in our friendship, and then take them away? How would I or could I survive with out her? We spend 5 days a week with them, we do each other's grocery shopping and errands, we babysit each other's kids, we go on double dates, we worship together every single Sunday, I have a best friend, Bryan has a best friend, Cooper has a best friend, and Cooper has two older siblings in Ava and Jax.
Then the Lord starting stirring something in my heart again...my life had changed so much and our best friends were getting ready to move, and it was necessary, a must, that Nick baptize me before he left. I couldn't imagine any other pastor baptizing me. I had struggled with this for a while, was it betraying my Confirmation as an 8th grader? No! Was it going to look weird that I had been leading Bible studies for several years? No! But I just couldn't get the words out, i couldn't share them with anyone. I just couldn't speak these things. So, one day as Laura and I sat at Pei Wei, child-free, I couldn't help but cry, all of this sat on my heart, but I just couldn't spit it out. So, I kept praying. A few days later we headed out to Broken Bow on a framily vacation. Laura and I drove with the gaggle of kids, while Nick and Bryan would come after church tear down. Through many tears I got a short version of this out, and told her that I had been thinking about being baptized and I thought I wanted Nick to do it while we were at the lake. Insert more tears. The next morning as we sat around the breakfast table, I spit out a few words about my faith and the journey I started on with Krista and then the impact that Nick and Laura's relationship had on me and our family, and that I wanted Nick to baptize me.
So...while out on the boat one evening, Nick performed his first "floating" baptism. So many tears had been shed, that it was just a cool moment, well and then he knocked the gimp (Pre-ACL surgery) off of her noodle. :) Many of you are wondering...."why hasn't she told us"...well, it wasn't something I wanted to make a big deal of, and here it is. Here is the why, here is the how...and here we are heartbroken over the upcoming move of our friends, friends that we couldn't imagine walking beside through this thing called life, but friends we are ever thankful walked this season beside us in Denton, Texas.
Why do I write this big huge blog? I want you to know that the importance of friends is vital! The value of a friendship that is steeped in faith is life changing. Just when we thought we didn't need more friends, new ones were thrown into our laps and changed the trajectory of our family, faith, and friendships to come.
I am thankful for the level 10 friends that have been along side me for years...from college roommate Brit, Krista, to my adoptive mamma bestie Shelby, Natalie/Mimi and for friends yet to come. And for our couple level 10 friends that have walked beside us for years, The Newmans. I'm amazed at how each of these deep relationships have special parts in our lives, feed us in different ways, and meet needs when we didn't know needed to be met.
I pray you too have level 10 friends. Friends that have seen your dirty laundry and love you regardless.
I pray you too have level 10 friends. Friends that have seen your dirty laundry and love you regardless.
I have read many a blog over my years, but none as impacting as this one. Wow, I don't have words. But I am proud of my friend for sharing this. I know it will encourage whomever reads it.
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