wHaT a RIdE

Where oh where to begin!  First of all, thank you for the constant prayers, messages, and surrounding us with your love!  What an experience this has been, and is yet to be!  Without going into great detail because of privacy for all parties involved, here's the jist. 

Cooper was born safely at 32 weeks on Thursday, May 22nd at 12:55pm, 4lbs 10oz, 17.5inches long...birth mom and Cooper were doing beautifully!  There were a TON of hiccups, non that were foreseen, but we got through them...we were able to have access to Cooper Friday and Saturday, Sunday the hospital revoked that due to their guidelines...but whatever.  Monday, May 26th, his birth mom relinquished her rights at about 7:30pm and he became ours!  WOOHOOO!!!  We didn't get to see him until about 8:30pm because of a few hospital regulations, etc...we spent many hours there with him that night, finally getting to hold him for the first time.  In those few days of his life he had done so well...considering he was 8 weeks early!  He had no extra medication, a few extra fluids via IV, only room air in his cannula (nose tube), and took milk on day 2 through his feeding tube in his mouth, began sucking on a pacifier (despite the difficulty the feeding tube and cannula posed) on Saturday. 

Tuesday, the 27th, was a bit of a train wreck....a supposed bio dad came forward, wanting to claim his paternity, but it's not that easy, legally.  HOWEVER, in the eyes of the hospital they viewed "dad" as his guardian and not our legal paperwork, that says we are his guardians in the eyes of the law.  Needless to say our attorney was not too happy.  BUT, we left, heartbroken...because while we were there they took his cannula out, his IV was coming out, AND he was going to begin bottle feeding, they were moving his mouth feeding tube to his nose to supplement what they gave him via bottle.  More great progress our little Cooper was making!  Leaving was heartbreaking!  Our attorney told us the next steps that had to happen, and we said okay...we want this baby...we feel very strongly that this is to be our child, and if not, we will have dotted every I and crossed every t to put ourselves in the position to give this little guy the best life possible.  In the meantime, we wait! 

We packed up our RV on Tuesday and headed home, in a bit of a trans...we know we hurt many feelings because we just wouldn't talk to anyone, we couldn't, reliving it was Hell!  We were devastated, but we knew that over the course of days since Cooper's birth our marriage was stronger and we were united, and our faith was unstoppable!  We cried, yelled at God, cried some more, and hauled butt home to sleep in our own beds and snuggle with PB.  Wednesday was a bit of a blur, we didn't get out of our PJ's and we didn't talk to anyone, unless you showed up on our doorstep and crawled in bed with us to cry with us.  Thursday, was a little easier, Friday was hard, but better...and well, Saturday was the hardest, because I knew that was supposed to be my baby shower, and presents had been delivered by UPS, the mail man, our in laws, etc....Cooper's room was closed and we just didn't open the door.  Sunday was easier.  Monday even easier.  And Today, Tuesday, we got a glimmer of hope....hope I can't share, but I can ask you to continue to pray!

Here's what we need prayers for: Cooper to continue to get stronger (we have no idea how he's doing because they denied us access), that what we need to happen or not happen to go according to HIS plan, and that by the end of the week we have a more definitive answer as to how this is all going to play out! 

I know it's vague....but that's all I can say for now!  We love you all, cherish your prayers, and hope to be celebrating with our sweet and perfect baby, Cooper soon enough!  And if we aren't, we know God has a plan...we will continue the adoption process, but go the agency route instead...at least the paperwork is done!  :) 

I am continually led back to Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose .

We know we are to be parents, and we just have a peace that Cooper will be ours.  Many of our friends still firmly believe that the Lord has made it clear to them that Cooper will be ours, their children have dreams about teaching Cooper to walk in their living rooms and me rocking him to sleep in our home...so that we stand firm on!  With faith like a child! 

Please forgive us for not necessarily reaching out, we know you are all there, we know you love us, we have been blessed by many, and are thankful for the space we have been given...as being sad is just too hard, and being stared at with the look of pity is too hard.  We are both busy with work, Bryan's back in Kyle working and Focused Ed, LLC is booming...so it's a good thing I pulled myself together, poor Brenna would be drowning...we only sent close to 1,000 emails today!  :) 

Again, thanks!  And I look forward to updating you again soon!  Keep the prayers coming...where two or three gather in my name, there I am among them!  Matthew 18:20!

We love you all!
Jess & Bryan